Toni Deaver Blog
Admitting I’m not a blogger
I admit I’ve not kept up with this page. I’m not really much of a blogger. But I’m going to make a stab at coming here and updating this page on what it’s like to have lived a supernatural life in so many ways, and be in the here and now today.
Things around here are busy. I’ve been taking care of a garden, down sizing my house, doing a bit of VO and just acting in a pilot. My daughter #2 who lives with me and my hubby both require some attention as do the cats. Thankfully I get some help with cleaning the house now and help with cooking meals, which is very nice. I’ve started going to the gym and have begun to lose weight and my legs have gotten MUCH stronger, praise God.
Though I love acting, singing, and directing, 2020, kept me even more shut away than I’ve already become and I’ve found it very hard to make the time to play the piano or sing. Not such a good thing when I’ve been asked to do a zoom musical at the end of the month. But I’m trying to shake off the cobwebs, get more proactive with social media and the full analog life I live.
I returned to the industry in 2012, it was so changed that the roles I was being cast in were in projects that were horrible. So I offered to help various independent film producers to find or get the money to make their films. That was 10 years ago. I’ve been lied to, stolen from, encountered more frauds than I can shake a stick at. Not something I’ve been finding joy in, but I don’t seem able to stop myself from continuing to try.
in self examination, I describe myself as a highly socialized introvert. Daughter #2 tells me I’m an extrovert who’s been pressed into being an introvert by various pressures from family, financial needs, etc. Maybe she’s right. One thing is for sure, I can see, I get sick of being home and doing home things. Still, I’m not really one to do everything by myself.
I’ve began attending a different church, when ours closed for Covid and my family stayed home out of fear. Now I’ve got friends there and I really like the pastor, and love that I encounter the Holy Spirit there every Sunday. That’s where i was when He told me He was giving me Hollywood. I asked if it was the people or the industry, but He didn’t say. I’ve since learned I’m one among 3 other people that I’m aware have gotten that same message. I’m so glad we have each other to covenant together with in this endeavor to bring health, light, love and wholeness back to the dark space we call Hollywood. Well, enough generalities.
Lets look at 2020 and 2021
Our finances had already made a turn from struggling month to month, the year before so we’ve not been in the straits others have been because of that. I’d had the opportunity in the summer of 2019 to stand in faith on the word of God, and test what I’d learned about how the kingdom of God works regarding finances. No one in the family was able to stand with me, which made it even more challenging, but I was ultimately able to stand firm in faith that God would be true to His word and sure enough, and with no time to spare, He provided everything we needed to do what we were believing for and things have never gone back to month to month living since then.
Then the government sent everyone checks. No judgement on how anyone else used their monies, but I was challenged in my spirit to invest it. The question was “where?”. Within a short time, we were given the opportunity to participate in huge international business deal that’s been in the process of being completed and closed for 5 years now. We’ve been involved about 9 months. Although our monies have been collateralized 3 ways, we’d really like to see it close sooner rather than later. I’d love to see these films funded and be able to move onto other things
Then I was invited to become an affiliate in an AI trading platform for cryptos. That’s in soft launch currently. So now I feel like I need to become familiar with crypto.
Then when the last government check came in we invested that as well in an Oil deal with the same woman who brought us the international business deal. This is supposed to close sooner. We get sporadic updates on each of these opportunities, but bottom line tonight, none are closed.
I wasn’t reared in a family who did alot of investing. My Dad though was always looking for a get rich quick scheme, even as he worked various jobs through his life. This is sometimes a challenge who break new ground. The main thing for me is to make a positive difference in people.
So we’ve moved into 2022, a shmita (rest) year, which I’ve never heard of before or observed, also The year of the Double Double, the year of The Open Hand of God, of correction, direction, perfection, provision spirit, soul and body. As of May 10, 2022, the things I can remember (there’s always alot)
- I received twice as much payment for my first SAG VO for a VR Game.
- I was given a 1/2 ton truck full of wood chips for my yard and there was even enough to share with a neighbor
- We had so much delicious spinach come up , I was able to share with many people
- I was offered work – which I did and met a producer I may work with, after she has her baby
- Hubby and I were invited to experience a Dodger game in a private box on the 1st base line and enjoy the Base Line Club. It was a fun and novel experience all because one of his clients was singing at the game. The Wife of the couple who hosted us is interested in exploring a business idea I’ve had.
- And I got new headshots taken, yes I’ve aged since 2018.
- I had my first open vision of what this house is supposed to become.
Super Excited
Today a woman I know came by for tea.
She has been going through years of unpacking hurts and steps of healing regarding the many violent language, vocal tone, and manhandling she’s experienced from her very youngest years.
During her time with me I was humbled to see how stories helped calm and focus her.
When she first sat down she was bouncing from thought to thought, her mind wrapped in chaos. I waited for guidance from God even while she spoke in fits and starts, adjusting and readjusting herself bodily on my couch.
By the time she left, she’d calmed, she’d focused and she’d reached a modicum of peace.
Never underestimate the power of using your personal stories to help another see they are not alone in their anxiety. Reach out. Be willing to invest yourself and your time in another. One person at a time we can change our world.
To Sermonize or Not To Sermonize, That is the Question
Christian film makers are not the only ones who often forgo entertainment to preach from the screen. Bulworth, from wonderful actor/filmmaker Warren Beatty was the first cause driven film I saw, that I didn’t walk out on, THOUGH I WANTED TO.
And I don’t recommend it to anyone for that reason.
Good production value starts with good writing.
It’s not that I don’t have strong beliefs. It’s not that I’m afraid to stand up for what I believe. It’s not that I shy away from communicating what I believe and the reasons for my stand. I have experienced turned people both toward me and away doing that very thing in my every day life -just like film makers do.
I think cause driven films are not worthy of the ticket price because FILM IS AN ENTERTAINMENT MEDIUM.
It’s a truth that every well written story makes a point, but I want to catch that point, not have it crammed down my throat. I want to be led to consider and think about what I caught for along time afterward. If you, the writer/filmmaker has done all the thinking for me, then I, the audience member, won’t change.
For instance, I am very much against sex trafficking. I would like to see every pedophile, every person who has sold a woman or child into sex slavery, every person who puts out pornography and forced sex on women or children to be burned alive very, very slowly. I don’t have to do it because there is a hell and they are headed there.
I have strong feelings in other areas too. Too many to go on in a blog about,
But writers need to be cognizant, if you are going to change people’s minds about your cause, whether it’s walking in righteousness, sex trafficking, global warming, marriage, etc. it’s your responsibility to draw those people into your show. If you are preachy about your topic, the very ones you want to reach, including me, will stay away.
How a Play I Saw at 10 years Old Saved My Marriage
I had coffee with some producer friends of mine last week and we were discussing content and what we most wanted to do with our storytelling opportunities. I shared the story of how a play I saw as a child has kept me married for 31 years, to date. They said they found it very inspiring and wanted me to share it with you.
When I was about 10 years of age my mother had season tickets to the local music theater group and took me as her +1 to see I DO! I DO!, a musical about marriage.
It’s a one set musical, the master bedroom, of what we are told to believe is an enormous house. I recognized the first night shyness, the blush of young love, I had older sisters who regularly went through the “pink balloon, butterflies, chocolate candy , Oooh, I’m so happy ” routine. Quotes are mine.
In the play, though, life continued. A blue blanket, then a pink blanket were brought on stage to signify the two children they had. They were still in love, but it was harder, as you’d expect. But still good. They rock along through the years, as he pursues his work, finally that becomes of utmost importance and he divorces himself from the marriage. She is so hurt and disillusioned she also divorces herself from their vows. I recognized these years as well. My parents were going through them. I dubbed them “the mean years” and refer to that difficult period in my marriage the same way.
We went into intermission knowing there was no way to save their relationship which was really sad since they’d been so happy only one hour before. During intermission, my mom walked outside with the crowds and I stayed glued to my seat watching the actors return to the stage under work lights to apply wigs and makeup aging them about 15 years. (Fascinating!)
When the curtain came up he had his packed suitcase, in hand, resting on the bed, berating her again while she sat and watched him from across the bed sitting by the window. After she had returned the insults, they both mourn the death of the early dreams and hopes they’d shared. They decide, without forgetting anything that has gone before, and ONLY for the preciousness of the early dream they shared of a missed future, to try again, starting “today”. They will make different choices, they will remember kindness, and they will see if they can do better a second time.
The play ends happily and I found myself thinking two things; that everyone who isn’t married yet should see this play and they’d have a better shot at staying married, and also, that it’s worth putting up with a whole lot of crap, to end up with someone who shares your memories of the last many years of your life.
This remembrance has stood me in good stead and now my husband and I are on the other side of the mean years ourselves and growing and learning together. I’m happy for that. I’m glad I saw the play. I look forward to directing it or singing the role myself one day.
I Do! I DO!-youtube.com Continue reading
3 Reasons Christian Films Don’t Box Office Like Secular Ones Do
When we consider great films with Christian themes, they are rarely made by Christians themselves. Those that are made by Christian film makers don’t generally box office well for three easy reasons to understand.
1. Though Christians will frequent popular films with or without Christian themes, non Christians will stay away from films they believe will preach against their chosen life style.
2. Non- Christian film makers, don’t have an agenda. They are not wishing to proselytize, or edify, or encourage, or instruct. They just want to put out a good compelling story.
3. Christian Filmmakers, often forget the GREAT COMMISSION, making disciples of all nations which require us to make ourselves understood to people who don’t speak our language.
Granted it’s to the whole body of believers that this responsibility is given. That does not negate the responsibilities of those in media to use their public platforms to utilize the best written, best produced product to exemplify the faithful, integrous, loving, caring, forgiving, healing, prosperous, delivering, redeeming natures we have within our new DNA, as born again, children of the living God.
Some examples of hit films not necessarily thought of as Christian but sporting christian themes: Chariots of Fire, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, It’s A Wonderful Life, The Bishop’s Wife, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Superman, The Lion King, The Truman Show, Frozen, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Les Miserables, Captain America, Civil War.
AFM Sat, November 9, 2013
Wow, what a day. I knew I had a meeting with Producer/writer Kirby Britten and Rosalind Jackson this morning in Hollywood re: the pilot of the show Kirby’s written. Then I headed to AFM to have lunch with friend and producer Philip Cable. I was too late, since the morning meeting ran late. Still Philip was there and I got to spend time with him and his film maker friend Scott Seargeant. Ultimately I ran into almost every producer I know including Marianne Quinn, Peter Liapis, Robert Amico, Saw Bryan Michael Stoller, spent time with Scott Meyers, and Cat La Cohie and more. A great time of information, relationship building and encouragement. I’m so glad I went.
July 4th Independence
Just back from enjoying the fireworks show at CBS Studios in Studio City,CA
Not everyone from the afternoon made it to the show, but those who did really had a good time.
My husband was one of the ones who didn’t. He had dog duty. We have a very elderly, lame, puppy.
I know we celebrate July 4th because that was the day we declared we would be a country separate from the Mother Land our forefathers had departed to come here.
But what is independence today? Doing our own thing? Having no rules?
Both of those lifestyles lead to chaos and slavery to a downward spiral. Is that worth celebrating?
I don’t think so.
Independence is a concept of being self reliant, mature, able bodied, able minded, able spirited enough to function in a productive manner fitting within society.
Our country has a few very loud factions who wish to deny independence of any other group. Their constant barrage of noise, parades, shouts, demonstrations are not just about making them look good, they want to make anyone who disagrees with them look bad.
What happened to tolerance? And people living together in peace?
I shouldn’t have to agree with you to let you think what you want.
Why can’t you give me the same courtesy?
It’s actually been an enjoyable day, prepping for my nieces wedding in the morning, a nap, then the afternoon party and the fireworks.
I think I went off on independence because I must just be fed up enough deep down, I don’t really think it exists in this country any more.
July 1st Happy Birthday Mom
By the time they get to be my age, any people have lost their parents. I’m one of them. I have to reflect on the woman I called mom. She was a wonderful hostess, a wonderfully creative hard working woman. I’m sure others remember her for different things.
I always remember the car trips I took with my mom once I reached college age. There were only two, so I can only guess why they’ve held importance for me. Possibly because it was one of the few, and I do mean countable on one hand, times we were ever alone for any length of time.
One trip I remember, we were making the drive from Little Rock to LA. This time we weren’t headed straight for Shreveport, we were going to see other family members she knew and I’d never met.
She shared the driving with me, and never complained about my driving. We enjoyed talking, singing and silence equally. Stopping to eat was pleasantly uneventful, except that I got to make funny and she was a delightfully easy audience. I could always make her laugh.
We crossed into LA and drove through Shreveport. I remember I was very ready to stop and sleep at one of our relative’s homes, but we drove on. And on. And on. Then we drove on. I remember having repeated questions concerning her memory of where we were headed and suggestions that we turn around because there were no street lights or any kind of lights to tell us where we were or signs to tell us how close/far we were from the destination. Honestly I was certain she’d gotten lost and was going to strand us somewhere in the boonies with no gas and no gas station in walking distance.
yes, this was in the 1970s. There were no cell phones, there was no GPS, we were on our own.
Finally, she said for me to keep my eyes open for a street light. Then suddenly, just ahead of us was a 60 watt light bulb suspended from a wire and plugged into an extension cord. I didn’t see the extension cord or that the light was suspended from a wire until we’d passed the light. That’s dark it was.
Once we passed the “street light” Mom finally put on her brights and see the first left. We made our way down the roughly paved street and turned into a dirt something where she stopped the car. It was about 10pm, still her relations where so welcoming to both of us and seemingly excited to see her, and me by default.
We actually stayed there 2 days, saw other relatives. Let early the morning of our return trip and got home without a hitch.
That trip to LA, just me and mom going to a place I’d never been forced me to trust her as a person of safety. Which was something I’d never thought about before. She was a great traveling companion and I really wish I’d taken more trips with her to visit her Louisiana family. I think there were facets of her as a woman I missed because I moved away right after college, and though I visited, and then my husband and I visited, then we and my daughter(s) visited, it just wasn’t the same.
She died of a heart attack on December 25th 1999 at a Christmas Party hosted by sister in MS.
I’m sorry I didn’t travel that year. I was in CA.
She was a gentlewoman and a gentle woman.
I miss her.
June Madness
Wow, it feels like forever since I posted anything. Things feel like they have been moving at lightening speed but really, all elements are just in the start stages.
I did though just shoot a commercial, I was background, but it was still a first. And I shot an infomercial for haughte nails. Both were fun days being on the sets.
An Actor/Producer has become a friend of mine and wants to shoot his next film at and in my house. That is not for another 4 weeks. However hone on the range, we’re working on every room and in the back yard- endeavoring to create space for cameras, lights, etc to be set up without breaking or disturbing anything that would make us anxious. So it feels imminent, but I know it actually isn’t.
My daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter are coming in 2 1/2 weeks, so that is quickly approaching.
I have to learn sides for the scenes I’m in for S2K, but I’ve also got 2 other indie films I’m learning sides for, because my auditions for both of them are next week.
Today, I fired my big, wonderful manager who wasn’t working well for me, and hired on with a small, but cool manager who directed me recently in a short and knows my talent.
Plus, I just learned that tomorrow I’m to audition for another infomercial. That sadly kept me from joining my youngest daughter and hubby for a movie. My daughter was disappointed. But I have to refresh my Eastern European accent. 🙂
I’ve not been this busy with acting business in years.
Friends and Family
Friends and family are both important. I know people in my family who only keep up with their friends. I know people in my family who only keep up with a few family members. it’s important to keep all of our relationships growing, but it seems so much harder with the internet.
I went to watch my incredibly talented daughter, S, perform with her freshman class last weekend. At one point I took her to check her mailbox and I realized i’d not sent her a single letter. I’d sent a few boxes, but not a letter just to write.
However, I text her almost daily, and email her and follow her on FB
She misses getting mail, like anyone. It’s nice to know you’ve been remembered and get a written word from someone you care for.
I’m making a commitment now to write letters tomorrow to her and my great aunt who lives alone.
Keeping the work going.